Greetings, fellow humans. I’m Caroline and I write fantasy and horror—my debut epic fantasy novel, The Obsidian Druid will be released in April 2024. I also have a mild obsession with Web 1.0-era websites. This is my newsletter.
“Armoria was a city of taverns. A place fuelled by alcohol and song, by the beckoning warmth of hearth fires and the colourful stories told around them. How then, Vanth wondered miserably, had she ended up at the Star of Armoria, a place it was said even the parasite-riddled keuhogs avoided.”
Much of the action in The Obsidian Druid takes place in the sprawling city of Armoria—a grimy network of twisting streets and rich plazas, overshadowed by the foreboding glassy heights of the High Lord’s citadel. To help any would-be travellers traverse the city’s many delights and avoid its numerous pitfalls, I’ve assembled a helpful guide. You’re welcome.
Welcome to Armoria
Image by 1tamara2 from Pixabay.
Welcome, esteemed traveller, to Armoria, the foremost centre of music and performance in the known world (no matter what those uppity Jonickians may claim…) Perhaps you arrived by ship and have been left adrift amidst the hustle and bustle of our impressive docks, or maybe you traveled via the overgrown trails that dissect Nymed and now find yourself dusty, footsore, and in desperate need of pleasant diversion. However you came to us, we are glad that you (and your coin purse) are here. This short pamphlet has been designed to guide you during your stay, no matter if you wash up in the modest alleys of the Pinchpaw’s Quarter, or have more law-abiding business to attend to in the Silver Quarter.
Inns and Taverns
The Mermaid’s Purse
This inn and comfort house provides rooms with impressive views of the city on one side and the stormy waves of the Thet on the other. The house special is blackmead, a unique, pearly black concoction that hits like a punch in the head from a desert troll. Drink at your own risk.
The Leafling’s Half
If it’s simple food and good, plain drink you’re after, you could do worse than The Leafling’s Half (you could also do much better, but it’s not my job to mind folk’s business). The tavern boasts its very own leafling, displayed in a large cage to amuse and delight inebriated patrons. Pleasantly situated before the harbour, The Leafling’s Half is the perfect place from which to survey Armoria’s long miles of curving stone seawall. Thrusting from the ocean between these vast bulwarks is the giant serpentine statue of Thetia, one of the great wonders of the world.
The Star of Armoria
Don’t let the fancy name fool you. This inn has an unsavory reputation and a suitably drab facade, but if you get caught in the Pinchpaw’s Quarter after dark, they do have a few rooms available to rent by the hour. Beware of rats.
Entertainment
Midnight Square
The home of Armoria’s famous bards. This is where you’ll find the stage that hosts a range of plays, dances, and frivolities, as well as the yearly Midnight Bard competition. Bards are known to overindulge and become rowdy, but I hear that some people enjoy that sort of thing.
Artisan Square
If you aim to shop until you drop, this is the destination for you. A huge range of stalls set up here daily, selling items as diverse as silk scarves and salted fish. Watch out for pickpockets and be prepared to haggle (our esteemed traders are quick to sniff out an easy mark). If you are a person of more refined tastes, you might prefer the jewel and glass shops of the Silver Quarter, or the many fine tailors to be found amongst the handsome redbrick buildings of the Crimson Mile. Be careful not to stray or you might find yourself in Furnace Alley, a place where the acrid smoke wafting from our many hardworking tanneries is said to peel the lining from your nostrils.
A Traveller’s Warning
While Armoria is a magnificent and prosperous city, there are some places that I would advise the wary traveller not to visit, and some citizens that I would urge them to avoid.
The Salt Swords
Our loyal Salt Swords work hard to keep the city, and our beloved High Lord Dewer, safe. They pose no threat to the innocent traveller, but should you find yourself in a compromising situation, they will waste no time in kicking you to the street and dragging you off for a nightmarish stint in the Pit of Thorns. Infractions include (but are not limited to) spitting at passing horses, urinating from high windows, starting brawls of any kind, making rude gestures directed at the Obsidian Citadel, and disposing of rank soup in the Thet.
It goes without saying that magick of any kind is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN within the city walls. Moon-blessed individuals who are unable to restrain themselves will likely never see daylight again.
The Pit of Thorns
I include this here in case anyone arrives in Armoria with the misguided and rather foolish notion that our underground gaol is some sort of tourist attraction (however impressive its construction). Winding for more than five miles beneath the city and stretching out to bore into the rocky bed of the Thet itself, the Pit is a burrowing stone web that twists and splits into so many passageways, it's rumoured that even the Pit Masters get lost on occasion. Within the Pit are rows upon rows of heavily guarded cells, each one containing an insubordinate magick user or threat to the High Lord. Only a very unlucky or foolish traveller would slip past the guards and find themselves lost amidst this yawning dungeon of rot and screams.
The Obsidian Citadel
Beautiful to look at, but deadly if you get too close. The Obsidian Citadel is High Lord Dewer’s seat of power and is suitably guarded by his loyal Salt Swords. The immense tower is constructed from an otherworldly, black glass that appears to devour all light. It is mesmerising, but I encourage you to appreciate its dark beauty from a safe distance.
The Obsidian Druid, Book One of The Age of Aikana, will be released in April 2024.
In Other News…
The Obsidian Druid has received its first blog review at For the Plot and I was blown away because they gave it 5/5 stars!
"If you enjoy immersing yourself in fantasy worlds, then you need to read The Obsidian Druid. It’s almost inevitable that you will have your favourite POV – mine is definitely Lowen’s – but not a single chapter dragged, and each POV has its own niche that draws you in. I can’t do this book justice without risking spoilers, but trust me when I say that your next fantasy obsession could be waiting for you under Aikana’s light."
You can read the full review here.
If you’d like to read and review The Obsidian Druid on Amazon or Goodreads (or communicate it via smoke signals… pop it in a bottle and launch it into the sea… I’m easy, really), there’s still time to request an advanced reader copy from Booksprout or BookSirens.
I was also surprised to discover that Miblart, the design team behind my book cover, have posted a video showing the design process. It was really interesting to watch and made me appreciate how much work went into it. Have a look:
Of course, the biggest news is that the release date for The Obsidian Druid is LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY!
If you’d like to give my debut epic fantasy novel a try (and want to instigate an indie author happy dance), here are the pre-order links:
(US): www.amazon.com/dp/B0CTD1GXKC
(UK): www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CTD1GXKC
(Au): www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CTD1GXKC
(Japan): www.amazon.co.jp/dp/B0CTD1GXKC
Current Favourite Website
Tom’s Xena Page - First Created 1996 - Last Updated ???
I have deep nostalgia and love for Xena Warrior Princess. Back in the day, I was slightly obsessed with it. I taught myself how to decapitate a charging centaur with my mum’s broom handle Gabrielle-style and yearned to buy a pair of chakram earrings.
Woah, you can still find them for sale.
Being a Xena fan who was also online during the mid-nineties meant I could proudly call myself a Xenite. Xena fan sites were numerous in 1996. I’m pretty sure I remember making my own around this time, but if I did, it’s long been lost to history (or is currently chilling somewhere inside the Wayback Machine where it will never be found again). Luckily (if you’re also an aging Xenite), there are still some examples of Xena fan sites floating around the interwebs.
Tom’s Xena Page was one of the most popular because it just had so much cool stuff. You could sign up for your own xenafan.com email address, peruse the Xena Fan Fiction Archive, or read articles from magazines—all meticulously re-typed and posted with the accompanying hand-scanned images.
These were not the reasons why young me visited Tom’s Xena Page, though. I went there for the Xena Stuff for Windows 95. Oh, yes. If you wanted to “Xenatize” your PC (or your Mac!), this place had the goods. There were entire Windows themes, revolving chakram cursors, screensavers, and icon packs. I have very clear memories of changing all my desktop icons to little pixellated images of the Xena cast. What a time to be alive.
Of course, you can still download and use all these things if you want to. You just need to dig your old grey brick desktop PC out of storage and be “...running Windows 95 and have the Plus! CD installed”. Worth it.
If you want to see the complete list of Web 1.0-era Websites of the Week, you can find it on my website.
Stalk me across the interwebs: Website - Dreamwidth - Bluesky - Read Stories Online
That’s it for now.